It’d be better to post this /after/ the season, but what can I say? I have a sick mind.
Also, conference games won’t really have *oomph* for a long time, IMO, because we have no collective feelings about any of our new conferencemates (except ND and Cal).
So why not /form/ some feelings?
TIER-ONE ENEMIES:
Cal — you all know why.
Duke — zero tolerance for Dollar Store Stanford.
Clemson — FB program is the undisputed king of the ACC, *but* they have a truly insufferable fan base. I visited one of their message boards and found at least three fans fantasizing about how brave they would be in the face of CALIFORNIA LIBERALS trying to CANCEL THEM for SINGING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM before games. Others were saying expansion was great because it would hasten Clemson’s exit from the ACC. These people are turds and belong in the toilet.
UNC — speaking of turds, UNC’s regents put out a whole entire statement telling us to eat… does this board censor swear words?… let’s say *slop*. Never forget.
TIER TWO:
Notre Dame — may be controversial to leave them out of Tier One, but realistically, without them we’d be dying in the wilderness, right? They pushed *hard* for this.
TIER THREE:
Georgia Tech — we must grind them to dust beneath the wheels of our chariots. No, I will not explain why.
Florida State — Fans think they’re USC; team plays like Arizona. Extremely irritating combo. Could really rocket up the tier list if we have to actually interact with their fan base.
Miami — one day, when the stars align and Great C’thulhu stirs beneath the waves, Miami will be relevant again.
TIER FOUR:
Wake Forest — clearly just Rice in disguise.
Syracuse — you know how Army, Navy, and Air Force play for the Commander-in-Chief trophy? We, ‘Cuse, and NC State need to play for the Block S trophy. So let it be written; so let it be done.
Boston College — aggressively, *offensively* bland. So mediocre you can’t even look at them without a tremendous effort; your eyes keep sliding away in search of *anything* more interesting.
Louisville — I guess they’re in the conference????
TIER FOUR:
Virginia — I mean… whatever. Probably a pretty nice road trip.
Virginia Tech — adequate! Also, smashing them to pieces in the Orange Bowl was very very fun. Good memories!
Pitt — reliably good program, no complaints.
TIER FIVE:
SMU — helmet has horsey. I repeat: HELMET HAS HORSEY. My inner six-year-old is delighted.
TIER EIGHT HUNDRED:
NC State — our saviors. We love and support NC State.
Also, conference games won’t really have *oomph* for a long time, IMO, because we have no collective feelings about any of our new conferencemates (except ND and Cal).
So why not /form/ some feelings?
TIER-ONE ENEMIES:
Cal — you all know why.
Duke — zero tolerance for Dollar Store Stanford.
Clemson — FB program is the undisputed king of the ACC, *but* they have a truly insufferable fan base. I visited one of their message boards and found at least three fans fantasizing about how brave they would be in the face of CALIFORNIA LIBERALS trying to CANCEL THEM for SINGING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM before games. Others were saying expansion was great because it would hasten Clemson’s exit from the ACC. These people are turds and belong in the toilet.
UNC — speaking of turds, UNC’s regents put out a whole entire statement telling us to eat… does this board censor swear words?… let’s say *slop*. Never forget.
TIER TWO:
Notre Dame — may be controversial to leave them out of Tier One, but realistically, without them we’d be dying in the wilderness, right? They pushed *hard* for this.
TIER THREE:
Georgia Tech — we must grind them to dust beneath the wheels of our chariots. No, I will not explain why.
Florida State — Fans think they’re USC; team plays like Arizona. Extremely irritating combo. Could really rocket up the tier list if we have to actually interact with their fan base.
Miami — one day, when the stars align and Great C’thulhu stirs beneath the waves, Miami will be relevant again.
TIER FOUR:
Wake Forest — clearly just Rice in disguise.
Syracuse — you know how Army, Navy, and Air Force play for the Commander-in-Chief trophy? We, ‘Cuse, and NC State need to play for the Block S trophy. So let it be written; so let it be done.
Boston College — aggressively, *offensively* bland. So mediocre you can’t even look at them without a tremendous effort; your eyes keep sliding away in search of *anything* more interesting.
Louisville — I guess they’re in the conference????
TIER FOUR:
Virginia — I mean… whatever. Probably a pretty nice road trip.
Virginia Tech — adequate! Also, smashing them to pieces in the Orange Bowl was very very fun. Good memories!
Pitt — reliably good program, no complaints.
TIER FIVE:
SMU — helmet has horsey. I repeat: HELMET HAS HORSEY. My inner six-year-old is delighted.
TIER EIGHT HUNDRED:
NC State — our saviors. We love and support NC State.
